Squeezed Out

I keep thinking in an Irish accent, which is kind of happy.
It hits me once in a while: what am I doing here, so far from home?
Sometimes I feel like Dorothy. This isn't Kansas, or black and white or Washington for that matter... But it is still just as green as Seattle... and often I'm sort of tricked into thinking that it's all the same - same weather, same language, same, same, same... with their motorways and shopping centers.
With all that there is that I need to get done ... find a place to live, find a job, get a bank account (which is Much harder than one would think!!), get an immigration card, and a pps# (like a social security card) and then there's the whole matter of raising support, and and And I can't just sit here, but I'm finding it hard to find my footing and keep it.
You know when there's so much to say and think and tell everyone, that there's just no way I (or anyone for that matter) could squeeze it all out so that it's even half-way intelligible to anyone else... I don't know if I can squeeze anything else out of my toothpaste tube, is what I'm saying... but i'm trying so I can have metaphorically fresh breath.
I haven't cried yet, and I find that a little amazing.
This is the most overwhelmed I've felt while being here, mostly I think because I don't have the legitimate excuse of having jet lag as much anymore. There's so many decisions that I have to make, and they will greatly affect the rest of my time here in Ireland. What I need most is prayer - for motivation to pursue jobs and find the "right" place to live, and to keep pressing on, keep moving even when I feel like it's rather too hard for me. Pray that I'll make friends too - Stacey says it takes longer here, but it's hard to be patient. And pray I can be confident and not so hesitant to always say or do or be perfect here... there's that tendency for me to be silent rather than speak up and say something in the wrong way. At the same time, there are some subtle differences here, and I want to be culturally sensitive. 
Also, the family I'm staying with, the Covells, they're going on their family vacation on Saturday. they'll be gone for a week, and I have to admit, I have been really depending on them, as I would my own family, which has been really nice, but it's also set the stage for me to depend on someone else. Having them gone will be it's only culture shock where I'll Have to be more independent and navigate on my own, so that I don't end up merely treading water for a week.
I wish I could have been more eloquent and speak in beautiful lyrics of how much I love it here, because I really do, or tell stories of my adventures in Dublin and all the fascinating things i've learned about Dublin's history and their recent developments, or about the couple of people I was able to spend time with, or about BUNAC orientation, or what double decker busses are like or more about the Covells... I think at this point I can only barely mention chapter titles, since nothing else is able to be squeezed out, and I feel too embarrassed to go on more about how displaced I feel.
deep breath. I suppose it's too late to talk about how much I like it here, because I do. I guess I've also just been the sort to feel far too many things all at once.
That'll have to do for now.