Spinning, Spinning, Twirling, Whirling

When one is a nanny, such as I, one gets to know such things as how to blast off into space, and tour Jupiter and Saturn. It's simple enough - as is confidently administering shots and other remedies to make dear, stuffed Curious George's stomach feel better. One might also get to know what it feels like to be dizzied about from dancing dancing, and spinning, spinning, twirling, twirling about.

I'll tell you a secret even though once I write it, it won't be one anymore. (But you can read it in a whisper-voice so that we can pretend)... you see, I experience vertigo most times when I travel on planes, and even sometimes after jolting about on elevators (stairs are healthier, eh) (also, I've taken to saying, "eh," even though I have no desire to be Canadian). But this spinning, spinning, twirling, whirling about in my head is quite exhausting, and I do hope it won't plague me for too long whilst I'm living in Dublin, because it does tousle my focus making me rather out of focus.

As I have a habit of doing in such blog-like contexts, I - well, mean this to be a metaphor (but now that I've told you the secret, you must be kind about keeping it). I guess it's more that I'm afraid of everything being upside down and disorienting, you know how the world can spin when you have no idea where to begin or how to swallow right.. I'm basically experiencing preemptive culture shock. I keep tasting both ingredients of the stew: immense excitement and tortured fear. Meanwhile, the countdown continues without anyone's needing to count:

Less than one month.

There's so much to do! (making a list would be good, probably)
I guess what I mostly want to happen before I leave is to actually know everything that's going to happen - where I'm going to live, what job I'll have, the people I'll get to meet, how I'll be changed, how God will allow me to affect others... I want to know everything so I won't be so afraid that it could all be a mistake, or all be too hard. Even as I write it, I know - that's not what faith is about, and I won't actually be able to trust in God's presence or provision if I already know all of what it will be like... But leaping into the unknown is ever so like vertigo, eh?

More than "to do," I've been thinking more and more and more about how many people I want to spend time with, which makes every moment I'm not with someone seem like a waste. Having lost my phone makes me feel so powerless and disconnected. And I haven't really had Internet, (I'm currently sitting in my car, in the drippy-wet rain, in the Dravus Parking lot, sucking up some stray rays of SPU-Wireless, ha!) But people are so important to me. I don't want to lose what I have, but I also know that my friends aren't mine to keep. You all aren't possessions, but gifts that God allows for seasons and sometimes takes away.

I've also come to realize how homeless I've felt the past few weeks, going between Mukilteo home where my family and dog and Things are and Seattle where work and play and friends are during the week. And the homeless feeling will only continue until I've lived in Dublin for at least a month or more and am actually settled in.

It's funny - I keep having to remind myself that this is what I've always wanted; to go on a grand adventure, to experience a new place, with new sounds and smells and tastes and certainly new people and new ways of viewing God. Plus, I'm going to Ireland, where it's green and there's sheep and where I'm going to have to like beer.. ha.

This I know: God has proved himself to me again and again. He is Faithful. He is Love. He will never leave me... no matter where I am. Oh yeah. Gosh, I hate being alone sometimes...

All will be well. All will be well, and all matter of things will be well.

O Lord, when I'm dizziest, be the one thing I can set me eyes on; be the one thing that's ever constant and not up-side down.

Okay, I'm More ready.